They're fuzzy and make cute sounds too
2002-02-19, 10:24 p.m.



So today A. showed me some more Dland stuff, like templates. I was planning on sprucing up the page but felt like writing instead of prettifying. Maybe tomorrow.

I'm finally catching up with le domestika stuff around here, so I feel a bit more normal and useful. Nothing like cleaning your bathroom to make you feel normal (?).

So someone very close to me has been having a hard time over the past couple of days. The ailment is his "monkey mind", as my yoga teacher would call it. The remedy he has identified is meditation, stillness. I can't say that I disagree with the remedy, but I am becoming increasingly concerned with all of the friends and loved ones I have that are having very hard, stressful times. There is this palpable current of pain, of despair, of frustration and need for love and stability from most people I have had recent contact with -- and I feel as though I have little ability to comfort them. The depth of their pain surprises me, but also reminds of my own blacker moments not so long ago. The thing of it is that this most recent bout of illness *really* knocked me on my ass, and having regained some semblance of health (ok, so I'm still waiting for the results of the ultrasound) I just feel so fucking fortunate to be alive that it's difficult to allow myself any serious negativity. I want to be able to somehow share that feeling with them, and not in some trite, "life is precious" way, but damn! I know all of these amazing, intelligent, warm, wonderful people and they are so unhappy.

Surely in the context of my grandmother's recent death my thoughts about the appreciation of life are natural. It was hard to watch someone pass away that wasn't ready to go, who had regrets. It is also hard to watch folks who are alive struggling to find some peace and stability -- unable to see the value of their lives, some going so far as to damage, punish, hurt themselves. I know a bit about self-destructive behavior (don't we all), so I understand how that kind of thinking happens. A dear friend of mine once pointed out to me (paraphrasing here): "you would never ever treat anyone in this world as badly as you treat yourself. You care so much about other people, about animals, why can't you treat yourself like you would treat them?" The actual statement and moment were obviously more powerful, but you get the idea.

I had another conversation with a friend over the weekend, and for the first time I can ever remember actually seriously told someone to shut up. Friend: "I just can't imagine how this whole megalopolis isn't just going to crumble, fall apart"

Me: "Shut up! Would you just shut up! I can't take all this fucking doom and gloom shit anymore! The past few conversations we've had you've been talking about everything and everyone just falling apart. How about something uplifting for a change? Kitties are cute!"

Yes, in a world of war, death, suffering, pain, abuse, etc. ad nauseum, I need to remember that kitties are cute. I need all of you to remember that.



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