there's more to life than this

Yikes. So this isn't what I had in mind for my diary template, but it's all I could muster tonight.

**Disclaimer: The title of tonight's entry has nothing to do with anything other than it was on the wrapper from the blueberry gum D. gave me.**

On my way to my dinner meeting tonight I caught a whiff of freshly mown grass and had one of those random smell memories -- I was for a moment taken back to summer days spent at the fairgrounds in a little resort town in Northern California. I lived up north from age 9 - 15, in a small small town with small small minded people. "The Fair" and "The Races" came to the fairgrounds every summer and it was the highlight of our dreary teen lives. One night I was standing by a phone booth while my best friend Jessie called for a ride home. A boy walked up to me and asked me for the time -- I looked down at my watch and as I was doing so he kissed me on the cheek and ran away. As I stood there in shock Jessie laughed her ass off. Although I had surely spent a long time curling my hair into some feathered monstrosity and had most certainly applied tons of black eyeliner, the kiss was more likely a dare than attraction. Funny how a patch of severed grass can bring all of that back.

I spoke to Cousin M (the makeup artist) the other night on the phone -- she had heard I was sick and was checking in. Somehow we got around to the topic of birthdays -- my next is coming up at the end of next month, and she will be turning 40 in May. Then she said that the best time of her life had been ages 31-33 -- after we hung up I just could not get that out of my head. 31-33?? Is that all? Is that it? 3 years? I know that she didn't really mean the best years of her life were over, but I've also heard from others that your 30s are the best time of your life (especially for women). Fuck that!

I will say that in recent years I have become more belligerent, or as my sister-in-law would say, "you're a bitch". At one point she spelled out the different phases of a woman's life (of course I can't remember what they were, except something about late 30s, early 40s women being "gals", and that 20somethings were "babes") -- and according to this strange system I am entering or have entered the "bitch" phase. Hmmm.

All that I can say is that my brain is fried. Between the continuing deregulation of the FCC and the resulting consolidation of media outlets everywhere *and* the absolutely ridiculous constraints and fees of the DMCA, I am feeling a bit pessimistic. They are attacking from both sides at the same time. Perhaps it is time to call upon Sun Tzu.

The good news is that it's looking like the Cat Power show is shaping up. It will be our first and quite possibly only show of the semester -- and we are all crossing our fingers that Chan manages to play at least one song all the way thru.

Blah blah blee blee blah. Blee blah de blah blah blah. Bed.