there's more to life than this

Can't sleep. Actually, I *did* fall asleep on the couch after a late dinner (went to yoga tonight/last night). I dozed off during the Elsa Klensch show, and periodically woke up to home shopping, confused and disoriented but not awake enough to get up or realize what was happening. Then I had a dream that woke me up. Now I can't sleep. Good thing I'm off tomorrow/today.

The dream is undoubtedly inspired by the TV. I am on a tour of some fashion designer's home. Somehow the tour turns into a super lifelike video game, and because I've never played the game before I keep screwing up. So the first scene of the game is me attempting to maneuver some sort of weapon inside this fashion designer's house. There are a bunch of other people all around the room I'm in. Finally I start to get the hang of the controls, and realize that I'm controlling this old lady character who's throwing a short-handled sledgehammer. At another person. With my help she hits her target, only I don't realize that's the game until the person's been killed (somehow my range of view is blocked off from where the hammer is headed). Then I look around and realize that the house is full of people she's killed already, set up in some grotesque sort of diorama. I maneuver away from her, and make some comment to others in the house/on the tour that she's killed everyone here. I wake up.

It's not the first time I've had some dream where someone has set up a death diorama. There was another one I remember where this guy had piled up a bunch of bloody bodies in front of his house in some battle scene. I don't have bloody dreams often, but when I do they tend to keep me up for a while afterwards. I had changed and gotten into bed but couldn't get to sleep.

So here I am, typing away, hoping that staring at the monitor will lull me back to sleep. Actually, reading will probably work better -- I just started reading Alan Watts' "Nature, Man and Woman" again.

I think I've decided not to go to All Tomorrow's Parties. As much as I want to see the Boredoms again, and see Ikue Mori and Deerhoof, I'm just not sure I want to pay 50 bucks to do that--and fight the crowds. Same problem with trying to see Bjork at Coachella -- lots of money, too many people in a big dirt and traffic pit. Sigh. Oh well. It might help if D. was interested in going, or someone else...

Next week is Cat Power. And then I found out about a show coming up at the Smell I'd like to see...perhaps I should just satisfy my live music cravings with free shows instead.

OK, round 2 of attempting to sleep -- while the sounds of the Buttholes' "22 going on 23" echo in my head. Hapless radio talk show victim they sampled: "Lately I've been having trouble sleeping, I cannot sleep. I keep having these dreams...I tried to put different endings on the dreams. But every time I tried to do that it doesn't work, I keep having the same dream over and over again."

Wish me luck.