there's more to life than this

What does any of this have to do with celebrating Spring?
2002-05-01, 10:58 p.m.

Just a quick reflection before I retire from the day's activities -- gotta get up for that 8:30 meeting!

Another jubilant celebration, a Beltane to remember, along with promises of future gatherings and good friendly feelings.

I will just say it/write it, I've written and alluded to it before: this diary is a strange thing to me. I don't feel very honest. There is so much of what's really happening that I don't write about. I suppose that's common, but every time I start an entry I think about the fact that I am just skimming across the surface most of the time. These entries must seem very superficial. The whole thing was started on a whim and it is now somewhere between heartful extension and guarded distance.

One thing I will tell you -- last night I dreamed about my grandmother. She was alive and I was able to spend time with her again. My aunt was there and pointed out in the dream that I was lucky, that I had a chance to see grammy Helen "alive" again. Unfortunately I didn't necessarily appreciate it as much as I would have had I not been dreaming. Ironically, I came home and read her story. Her dream was the opposite.

It was really good to see family tonight. There's nothing like a good old inside joke conversation with my brother to give me that warm fuzzy feeling. And yes, I will be seeking geetar lessons soon to make use of the beautiful twanger he gave me for Solstice. Then we can all hang around the fire and seeng some songs, eh?

Lastly, some random observations related to yoga: we've been doing the Rodney Yee thing in the morning, and I can't help but feel funny every time he tells you to assume the "namaste hands" position. The brief time I spent in Nepal made me reverent towards the usage of "namaste". Roughly translated, it means "I see the sacred light within you". So being instructed to put my hands into the "I see the sacred light within you" hands position strikes me as odd, and somehow disrespectful. I know Rodney means well, it just bothers me. I'm funny that way.